01 | "Rex Ternalcom"

From Talking Mouths. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of our i, capital L, v, e, s. [00:00:40] TOM: Come in. I said come in. [00:00:45] REX: Hello. Are you Tom? [00:00:47] TOM: Oh my God. [00:00:48] REX: May I come in? [00:00:49] TOM: I guess. You're Mr. Ternalcom, I presume? [00:00:55] REX: Yes, I am. [00:00:56] TOM: Did I pronounce that correctly? [00:00:58] REX: Actually, it's Tern-AL-com. But please call me Rex. [00:01:02] TOM: I'm the director of tourism marketing and this is my communications manager, Susan. [00:01:08] SUSAN: Pleased to meet you, Rex. [00:01:09] TOM: Why don't you have a seat, Rex? Make yourself comfortable. [00:01:16] SUSAN: Oh my God! [00:01:16] TOM: Whoa there! [00:01:17] SUSAN: That's disgusting! [00:01:18] TOM: Maybe a little less comfortable. [00:01:19] REX: I'm so sorry. [00:01:20] SUSAN: No, no, no, no, no. Put it away. [00:01:22] TOM: I agree. That's the ugliest shirt I've ever seen. How about you keep the parka on? [00:01:28] REX: Sure, no problem. [00:01:31] TOM: How was your flight? Air North, right? [00:01:33] REX: Of course. The flight was fine, except for the human double wide they put in the seat next to me. He gobbled my hot cookie while I was sleeping. [00:01:42] SUSAN: I didn't quite catch that, Rex. [00:01:44] TOM: He said when he fell asleep on the plane, the fat guy in the next seat gobbled his hot cookie... If you don't mind me asking, what kind of name is Ternalcom? It sounds Dutch. Maybe even double Dutch. [00:01:56] REX: No, it's fake. [00:01:58] SUSAN: Excuse me? [00:01:58] REX: Fake. As in made up. Like an alias.... Listen, Tom, Susan... I gotta be honest with you. I have kind of a shady past. You should probably look into it, make a few calls. On the other hand, it might be more interesting if you just hired me without any kind of reference check. [00:02:28] TOM: You're saying we should turn a blind eye, then let your whole sordid backstory slowly trickle out over the next few years? Depending on the ratings. [00:02:36] REX: That's exactly what I'm saying. [00:02:42] TOM: I see from your resume that you've lived in Whitehorse before. [00:02:46] REX: Yup. A few years ago I did some public relations for Northwestel. [00:02:51] TOM: How'd that work out? [00:02:52] REX: I'd rather not talk about it. [00:02:54] TOM: Okay. [00:02:55] SUSAN: I'm really looking forward to the day this comes back to bite us all in the ass.... [00:02:58] TOM: Chill out, Susan. You worry way too much... So you're currently living in Yellowknife. Why do you want to leave? [00:03:06] REX: Can I be frank? [00:03:09] TOM: Go ahead. You can say it's a shithole. I kind of assumed. [00:03:12] REX: This is really weird. From the moment I walked in here, I felt like I could be totally honest. The truth is, I had chlamydia six times last year. I hear the infection rate is slightly lower in the Yukon. That's a real selling point. [00:03:27] TOM: Susan, make a note of that for next year's tourism advertising. It'll be perfect for the Edmonton market. [00:03:33] SUSAN: Maybe Health and Social Services would even kick in a few bucks. [00:03:36] TOM: Good thought. [00:03:37] SUSAN: But then again, the Minister is probably-- [00:03:39] TOM: Gonna be gun shy after that huge clusterfuck with the D campaign. You're right. She'd never sign off. [00:03:45] SUSAN: I still don't get what all the fuss was about. [00:03:47] TOM: But you sure as hell got some D, didn't you, Susan? [00:03:50] SUSAN: For Christ's sake, Tom, get over it! [00:03:52] REX: Am I missing something here? [00:03:54] TOM: So why do you want this job in our new call center? I mean, besides the obvious. What the hell happened to your face, anyway? [00:04:02] REX: That's kind of personal. [00:04:04] SUSAN: You don't have to answer that. [00:04:05] REX: Okay. [00:04:06] TOM: Well, it's a good thing you have such a fabulous voice. Your diction's a little awkward sometimes, but I love that deep, rich tone. [00:04:13] REX: You should hear me on a good day. I actually have a bit of a cold right now. [00:04:17] SUSAN: Rex, if Tom keeps this up, you might want to consider filing a complaint with the Yukon Human Rights Commission. [00:04:23] REX: Really? [00:04:24] TOM: Don't bother. That place is a joke. [00:04:26] SUSAN: Shit, Tom, I hope he's not recording this. Remember the Hermey? [00:04:30] TOM: Don't worry, Susan, I got this. Rex, I think you'd be the perfect customer service rep for our new call center. We'll stick you in a little box over in the NorthLight Building. No one will ever have to look at you. [00:04:42] REX: You're offering me the job? [00:04:44] TOM: I sure am. [00:04:45] SUSAN: Thank God. That's one less lawsuit to worry about. [00:04:48] TOM: Congratulations. By the way, do you have a dog? [00:04:52] REX: No. [00:04:52] TOM: Well, you better find one. [00:04:54] SUSAN: I don't think they'll let you work in the Northlight Building unless you bring a dog. Preferably a vegan dog. [00:04:59] REX: A Labradoodle might be nice. [00:05:01] SUSAN: Oh, no. It's gotta be a shelter bitch. [00:05:03] REX: Funny you should say that. Yesterday I rented a car and went for a drive down the Atlin Road. I pulled over near Snafu Lake and stumbled across a lady with about 50 of them. [00:05:14] TOM: Oh, so that explains what happened to your face. [00:05:16] SUSAN: Let it go, Tom. Just let it go. [00:05:19] TOM: Can you start Monday, Rex? [00:05:21] REX: Well, I guess that depends on the dog, doesn't it? [00:05:24] SUSAN: I can probably help with that. Where are you staying? [00:05:26] REX: A bed and breakfast on Tagish Road. [00:05:28] SUSAN: I know it well. How about I pick you up tomorrow at 11? We'll find you a real nice mutt. [00:05:34] REX: What's wrong with Tom? [00:05:36] SUSAN: Oh, he's got some issues. It's nothing I can't handle. So welcome to the team. [00:05:45] REX: Yeah, thanks. I'm really excited. [00:05:48] SUSAN: Duck! Are you single, Rex? [00:05:54] REX: I have a trap line back in Yellowknife, but I can always use another fox.